LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – January 25, 2012
In my listening, I often see others – myself as well – held hostage to another’s response, expecting a certain reaction, then being disappointed, hurt or upset because it did not happen in the way we expected or wanted it to be received. It is said that Lincoln spent two-thirds of his time in preparing a speech with his thinking about the audience, their interests, their concerns, their likes and dislikes. Few could question his eloquence and capacity to deliver a poignant persuasive message. Do we practice the “Platinum Rule” – treating others the way THEY wish to be treated – in our communications with them? Are they not a customer of our message?
When we – when I – communicate with another, have we made a great effort to understand them, have empathy for them, see them as our audience and speak to them on their terms and listen to them on their terms as well? Do I put twice as much effort in to “getting” who they are, their needs and desires, than I do in thinking through my message and worrying only about my agenda?
Do I seek out the “no” and want to explore the “no” to bring about better truth and clarity with another? When another says “no” or disagrees, this is unquestionably an authentic response on their part, far better than a pandering positive “yes” or an insincere agreement to follow up. So when we get the “no,” this is a great stepping stone in addressing their concerns with us. Are we ready to embrace their no and win them over so as to create a win-win with integrity and victory for both sides? Avoiding the “no” is the elephant in the room. Acknowledging and interacting with it connects us powerfully with the other and best ensures we are meeting his or her needs as well as our own.
Perhaps when we embrace another for who they are and have empathy with their imperfections, our disappointments and upsets never reach the stage of even being germinated, let alone taking root. How freeing this is, to give our blessing to let them be themselves and understand that they have the right to be so, that that is all they can be. Is it time to give up attempting to manipulate and impose our needs, our agenda upon their persona, their essence: respecting them for their right to disagree regardless whether it is logical for us or not. When we embrace them for who they are, are we not setting them free to be themselves and open their hearts to us? Perhaps this will free us as well. Perhaps?