LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – March 21, 2012
In my listening of others – myself as well – I have come to see how recurring emotional upsets can continually distract us from pursuing our dreams and great desires, perhaps keeping us from doing the necessary work to handle our character defects or becoming mature stewards of our household. This repeating pattern can keep us off balance and prevent us from gaining momentum with important initiatives. With this we find ourselves caught in the dilemma of “knowing” we are not making progress but don’t know what to do about it, other than heat ourselves up with feelings of inadequacy. Most of us have the intelligence, knowledge and experience to determine what is important in our lives. We have the full potential to pursue and make progress here as well. So why aren’t we?
Perhaps, one of the great barriers for many of us, is this emotional roller coaster ride we seem to get on time and time again. Yes, I did say “get on.” We do get on board these drama trips, and as such have the possibility of NOT GETTING ON AS WELL. Rarely is this a conscious choice, of course, but more the summation and totality of our past experiences with failure, setbacks, fear of abandonment, fear of looking foolish, low self-esteem with the accompanying self-righteousness or sense of inadequacy. The potential list of baggage and trigger points can be a long one indeed.
Does not that latest argument, disappointment, anger, upset with another or ourselves often overtake us, derail us, and put us on the Roller Coaster once again. We drop our “plan,” we walk away from our dreams, to REACT to this latest angst. And perhaps more tragically, is that we become addicted to the thrill, the sense of aliveness (painful as it may be) that these circumstances bring. We eventually may subconsciously create our own drama and upsets just to get another “fix,” perhaps to distract us from the true work we want and need to do with ourselves. We become “victims of choice” or “volunteers” with the realization that being a victim is a “no action required” event. It is so easy – no accountability or responsibility, just a diversionary opportunity to revel in the turmoil of the moment, being self-righteous or just self-destructive, often feeling sorry for ourselves or being incredulous with the behavior of others, giving us tacit permission to take the focus off of us and the work we must do to better ourselves.
Sadly, we become partners in these crimes and it is indeed our complicity with these unnecessary upsets that keep us from moving forward and realizing the truly valuable things we know in our hearts we want, such as harmonious relationships, good health, peace of mind, creating reconciliation, joy and laughter or a sense of true contribution to others.
So, my friends, I say – “SEE IT” – “STOP IT,” create your own intervention by setting boundaries with consequences, further develop your empathy for others for yourself as well by partnering up to better your health and fitness, by putting a daily routine in place to progress and support your dreams that lie within your heart and soul, by embracing what is.
And dance and sing with the grand marvelous joy you deserve and desire.
Michael Starr is the owner of Executive Coaching Services. He can be reached at www.executivecoachingservices.net or by calling 501-585-1302