LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – March 29, 2009
“…you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” NIV Bible, John 8:31
No time in my lifetime (born in 1950) has it been more apparent that our culture is in serious need of a thorough dialog with regard to the deplorable state of integrity amongst and within us. A cavalier attitude toward commitments and greed have infected us. This general lack of integrity has lead to a record number of mental illnesses and prescriptions for depression, concentration, anxiety, fear, anger, despair…need I go on. Let alone the ongoing crisis with alcoholism and both legal and illegal drug addictions. Our financial and political institutions are notably infiltrated with those of dubious values and questionable integrity. How unfortunate is it that we now find ourselves throwing our nation’s wealth towards those who through their own institutional and individual lack of integrity have mismanaged and stole away the savings and ruined the lives of many decent hard-working citizens. It is time for the masses to rise up and demand transparency, accountability, and candor. Have these institutions and leaders said to us “let them eat cake”? This was a comment commonly attributed to Marie Antoinette…I guess she just lost her head there.
But wait, perhaps this crisis of integrity goes far beyond our financial institutions and our politicians; it may actually be present in our morning mirrors? Is our word our bond? Are we taking responsibility for our lives or are we choosing to be victims? Are we in denial of our own state of spiritual emptiness as well as petty and deprecating attitudes toward others? Are we basing our identity on the shortcomings of others? Are we being robbed of joy and health by our own failures to face and embrace the reality that “It is, What It Is.” Only when we have clarity unobscured by emotionalism and sensationalism can we begin to develop and implement effective strategies for improvement. During my time on the nuclear submarine USS Kamehameha SSBN 642 it was well understood that for this mobile missile platform to continue to be a viable strategic deterrent it was necessary to know exactly where we were at all times so that our missile systems had credibility in reaching their potential targets. You gotta know exactly where you are if you are gonna get to where you wanna go.
Below I present a brief interpretation of both Inter and Intra Integrity along with some thoughts as regards what we can do to better both our lives and our society in this regard.
Inter Integrity
Inter meaning “between or among” as in international. In many ways inter-integrity is a much easier topic to address than its counterpart. Integrity between individuals is more easily evaluated and observed due to the inherent nature of seeing that we are or are not on the same page with one another. It is about being our word. Doing what we committed to one another that we would do, defines being our word. Failure to do so not only disappoints and causes others to lose respect toward us; it also becomes an insidious parasite eating away at our own self esteem.
It is also about honesty with others. Do we engage in duplicity in our day to day communications? Do we give others the benefit of the doubt? Do we focus and respect the strengths of others? Do we engage in water cooler petty discussions and slanders or do we take the “high road”? In John Maxwell’s book “Winning with People,” he shares that in the many years of marriage counseling that he conducted as a minister, he came away with a quick litmus test on whether a couple was destined to succeed or not. The test was whether the couple had a higher opinion of their spouse than their friends did. Those that respected the strengths and talents of their spouse, rather than focusing on the other’s short comings, were much more likely to succeed in their marriage.
Lastly the issue of political correctness. We have on many levels found ourselves in a debilitating quagmire that perpetuates the notion that if we only just keep talking at each other and don’t do anything different things will get better. We are collectively unwilling to diagnose our problems objectively and clearly because of the potential impact of change on one special interest group or another. If this were a doctor-patient analogy we would be demanding that the doctor tell us that there is no need to change and all is OK as it is. So now small illnesses now become large health problems. Do we need to wait for a “Significant Emotional Event” to have the courage to take care of things? Are we destined to mark time until the next literal “Pearl Harbor” occurs? I say not…let’s begin to be honest about things being as they are, no so that we can blame or shame, but so that we can heal and grow.
Intra-Integrity
Intra meaning within as in intramural. In this case integrity within ourselves. Are we honest about what we see? Do we take responsibility for our own lives? Do we have an attitude of “If it’s to be, it’s up to me”? This is a difficult area to reflect upon and explore because we may find that the enemy outside is in reality, has been all along, the enemy within. How damning to realize, especially in our more mature years, that we were responsible for needless pain and suffering of others as well as for ourselves. For some the possibility that we have in some way lived a lie and misrepresented reality to ourselves may be nearly unbearable to face. Have we diverted attention from ourselves to others as a means of justifying our condition and forestalling any need to take action? The beauty of being a victim is “no action is required”…we may very well be the culprits in our own quagmire.
However, if we can acknowledge and transcend the initial impact of our personal accountability, we can now become empowered to see that which we have damaged or neglected is now very much within our power to heal, bring joy, and achieve harmony with ourselves and others. It begins with accepting things for what they are. In the Alcoholics Anonymous motto is the phrase “…grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change…” I would encourage you to take this powerful saying and refine it to say…grant me the serenity to
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embrace
the things I cannot change. For that which we resist will persist. When I was a much younger fellow and another driver gave me the middle finger signal it would anger me, and bring about some immature response such as returning the sign or tailgating the other person’s car. Today on those rare occasions of road rage that are directed at me, I respond with an apologetic shoulder shrug. I now believe that their behavior has nothing to do with me and reflects on some difficulty that person is having with their lives…it truly elicits compassion from me towards them; not in a manner of superiority, however, but one of seeking to understand that perhaps, they may indeed be facing some serious life challenges at home, work or within themselves.
To clarify a bit here I am not proposing that “toxic” individuals or circumstances that do harm to us should be ignored. Quite the contrary, “it is what it is.” They are who they are, the circumstances are what they are, and by embracing the notion that they very well did not choose to be that way, we can remove the negative emotion out of the equation. We can now wisely side step these individuals and certain circumstances and not deplete our energies in confrontation, indignation, resignation or anger.
By living in harmony where our actions reflect our principle centered beliefs, we not only boost our self-esteem and improve our sleep at night, but we are true to ourselves and those around us. We will then have a sense of confidence that we are where we are supposed to be and we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. Much peace of mind and personal satisfaction results and inner peace continues to close ranks within and around us.
“The truth will set you free,” seek it out and embrace it! That which we resist will persist and remain our nemesis, while that which we embrace will dissolve around us and nurture our journey toward greatness in life.
“There are more thing in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Hamlet, Act I.SC.5: William Shakespeare