LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – February 22, 2012
In my listening to others – myself as well – I see many of us “going it alone.” We have become islands unto ourselves with our efforts in the progression of our DREAMS as well as with how we are handling our personal DEMONS.
So many of us have poignant desires for ever better serenity, greater achievements, more “funness,” less conflict with our lives while looking for those trusting loving connections with others. We, however, prove to ourselves daily and weekly the meaning of insanity by doing the same things over and over and getting the same unfulfilling results. Perhaps this occurs partly out of pride with our ego, or the fear of exposing our vulnerability? Perhaps it is just the sheer inertia and comfort with keeping things the same? Perhaps we just don’t know what to do?
In my Jan 18 article “When we Do Our Best, Our Mind is at Rest”, I mentioned the importance of discerning what we have and do not have control over. I wrote of the value of subsequently being intentional with choosing which areas in our control, to focus our time, energy, money and emotions upon perhaps next achieving this clarity, comes the “how” part? How do I progress a relationship, a fitness program, a financial goal, a career advancement or … ? What actions do I take next?
What if the governing themes in how to progress important goals, needs, and desires with actions were two fold? First: “No matter what, I will make it fun”! Second “I can’t do it alone!”
Perhaps it has far less to do with WHAT specific actions we are doing, than HOW we are going about doing it?
I was one of the last fellows drafted in the United States, way back in December of 1972. I had my degree from Carnegie Mellon and going into the military was not WHAT I wanted to do. I chose to join the Navy as an alternative to the Army and eventually went off to boot camp. One of my first jobs after “graduating” from boot camp in Great Lakes was to wake up early before most of the crew and mop, strip, and wax the floor on the main deck of our Harbor Clearance Unit there in Little Creek, Virginia with my B.S. in Electrical Engineering.
I decided I would shine those floors each day like they have never been shined before and made a challenge and game of the process. So HOW I did it became both an end unto itself as well as a fun activity, some times dancing about (I made sure no one was looking) with that big electrical buffer/ stripper. Later on, over my time with the Navy, I interviewed with Admiral Rickover and eventually became a nuclear trained officer in the Submarine Force.
So next time you say “this sucks” or “I Would be better off with another job/friend/significant other,” or fill in the blank _________, consider asking “HOW can I make it FUN and rewarding” if it’s to be, it’s up to me. Take ownership of your fun.
As for going it alone – What if we were to partner up with a true trusted friend, or with a mentor or two, or with an accountability coach? What would we look for in this person? Perhaps trust and objectivity. Perhaps the experience and wisdom gained with having gone before us down that same or similar road? Perhaps someone who would be kind but yet would not baby us?
Is it time to bury our pride and say “heck, I am not getting this done alone, I need help”? Is it time to seek out and request some partners to hold our hands and give us some candid feedback, some pointers as well. Are we coachable and willing to admit we are not making progress with important matters in our lives? Fun and personal progress must not be mutually exclusive or juxtaposed but rather be intertwined as one, producing a critical mass which results in a resonating and harmonious synergy.
Michael Starr is the owner of Executive Coaching Services. He can be reached at www.executivecoachingservices.net or by calling 501-585-1302.